3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
