Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
