was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I sprained my soul last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Alive.
So much puke
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
