I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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