Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize