We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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