wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize