Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
