You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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