More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
