just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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