If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
