I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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