the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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