I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
