I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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