I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
