Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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