My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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