Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
