im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
