we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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