Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
