she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
