her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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