final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
