i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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