Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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