grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Panties = found
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