so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
