erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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