rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize