I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
