yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
