Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
