Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
