He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
