Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
