after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
