she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had to cum in my sink.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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