I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
