you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
