Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
