I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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