hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
