You really coming over, don't trick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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