and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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