Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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