Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
