i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize