i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
