I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize