pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
