The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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