is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do herpes really smell.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
