I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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