Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Will exercising make me less horny?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize