Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize