So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
