don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
