Soap is not a condiment
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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