I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your cock deserves a montage
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
