Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
