Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
