I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
