i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
