A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize