A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
