Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize