Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
