I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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