Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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