i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize