I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize