a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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