A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
