My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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