you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
