I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
