Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
