my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
