remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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