i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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