so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
