You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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