she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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