Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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