Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this will be a night to untag.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
