Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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