there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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