I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
