I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
