You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
