here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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