My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize