CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
